It shocks me, still, how much it hurts when I can't write.
Okay, okay. I shouldn't say can't. Because I can, and I will if I make myself. But that doesn't mean it feels good, that doesn't mean it feeds my soul. Sometimes it's just hard work that I have to get through, work that I even end up resenting in the end because I am left with these thoughts, always these thoughts of
this isn't good enough.
NaNoWriMo is coming up soon. I am getting psyched up for it, getting ready to get my novel on. I still have no idea what I am going to write this year, which is nothing new. I usually go into NaNoWriMo with just a faint flicker of an idea and a whole lot of hope and nothing more.
Turns out you can survive on hope. This last week, not writing, I've been hoping to get my groove back. I've been hoping that the day will come when I'll open up a new file in Scrivener and be inspired to start writing something new.
I hope it will happen soon, and even if it doesn't I'll be hiding behind this computer screen, typing a whole bunch of trite, useless blog posts that will never get published about how I can't write the way I wish I could.
But that's okay, you know. Even when it sucks, it still passes the time.
I am linking up with my homies at Studio 30+ with the prompt "hurt" and for the first time with Five Minute Friday with the prompt "true."
Oh Cheney, it never sucks and and totally sucks! I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I just sit and stare and I'm paralyzed by the need to be perfect or proficient. I feel like, you that I have no idea what to write, but I read somewhere that we figure out what to write when we ACTUALLY start writing, like the stories and words dancing around our minds and scripted on our souls will make their way out if we give them space. I'm praying for you and I'm glad I'm your FMF neighbor today. Good luck and I hope your novel next month flows from you and is incredibly life-giving.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Sometimes (like now) I just have to get my fingers moving over the keyboard and that seems to help.
DeleteKeep looking around you, observe and take it all in, and I bet something will inspire you. You are at your keyboard, and that's step one! I think it's wonderful you are looking forward to NaNoWriMo when you don't have an idea for your novel yet. It intimidates the hell out of me ... and you can't wait. You're gonna be good!
ReplyDeleteI hope you are doing NaNoWriMo too, it's so much more fun to do it with a group of friends. And yes, I CANNOT WAIT! I really take the whole "a month of writing with abandon" seriously.
DeleteGet them moving. Keep your fingers clicking on that keyboard, because trust me you couldn't put words together in a shitty way even if you tried.
ReplyDeleteGo NANO!